In Middle School, I remember our coach (he was large and egotistical) yelling at everyone that we were all fat and ate too many hamburgers and needed to run more. Well, I couldn't run like everyone else. I ran around the track once and felt like I would vomit. I couldn't breath and I just couldn't keep up. The sprinting cycles of soccer were challenging enough, but I enjoyed them and could handle them but couldn't run like everyone else. It turns out it was the asthma. It was always holding me back. I came to accept that I'd never be a runner. I loathed running and running loathed me. Well, in June I decided to debunk that myth. I read in an article that a person had started out walking 5 minutes, running 1, walking 5, running 1. We bought a treadmill for $150 bucks. It was almost new because some old people had gotten it and not used it. When I told Jared I wanted it, he was concerned that it wouldn't get any use. I was determined to show him otherwise. Now seven months later, I've used it 10 times it's worth! As soon as we got it here, I started using it every other day. For thirty minutes I'd do the walking 5, running 1, walking five running one. And it was really difficult!! Keep in mind I'd been sedentary for a long time, I was fat, I had asthma, and I'm not a runner. I was proud of myself for doing it, though. I kept it up and about every month to a month and a half, I'd change my routine. The next one was walk 4, run 2 minutes, walk 4, run 2. When I eventually hit a plateau weight and couldn't lose any more, I upped the total amount of time. This was tricky because I felt so comfortable just being able to do really well at what I was doing. But now I know that "comfortable" means I'm not pushing toward progression. It just means stagnation, even if I'm spending time and effort to workout 6 days a week. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I would go to the YMCA and do the stair stepper for 30 minutes, and do the weight circuit (14 machines). I kept this up, barely missing any days. I wouldn't miss a day for anything now. Eventually I geared up my running to 5 walking, 10 running, for over an hour (basically I go until I hit 700 calories) and now I add in the incline to 4.0 while running. Burning more calories in less time! Yay!
I do the stair stepper for 45 minutes (fat burning course) and lately I've been able to up the level. It's so cool to phsyically see myself getting better! Just recently I realized I could add about 15-20 lbs on each weight machine and give myself a much harder workout. It's really challenging now, but at least I know I'm pushing myself. Before, if I'd ever talked to someone that said they work out for an HOUR a day more than three times a week, I thought that person was a complete weirdo with no life. At first I felt guilty for being away and working out, but I realize now that I need it to be healthy and my kids can see me trying to live right. I can do a lot mroe with them and I don't have to take two hour naps each day now. I can actually carry on a conversation while I run. I've NEVER been able to do that before June! And just think, now with the added muscle, I can burn a lot more calories just by sitting still just by having that extra muscle. Not to mention I look a lot better now. So, start slow. Push yourself. Keep going. Commit the time and be happy!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
The History of my Weight
I told my husband Jared that I wanted to start a blog where I post pictures of everything I eat. His reaction, "Reaaally?" Kind of like, why oh why are you always oversharing? But that is one of the reasons I'm doing this blog. Jared gets my run-of-the-mouth play-by-play run down of the ins and outs of my weight loss, my goals, my ups and downs, my overindulgences and every other thing! So I'll get it all out in here and save him some sanity. I'm such a good wife.
Plus, if there is anyone else out there who's tried to lose weight the healthy way and is trying to make is a lifestyle instead of a diet, maybe you'll enjoy reading this too. Because heaven knows how much I love to talk about it! Maybe you do too!
So I started gaining weight about two and half years ago. Oh. I guess I'll start with my earlier confessions. In high school I was skinny. I played sports but would occasionally go in spurts of eating a candy bar every day for a few months. I hope my mom doesn't read this. She vehemently discouraged me from buying food from vending machines and I'm probably the reason why the vending machine guy could buy a huge 62" flat screen TV in the 90's. I know it wasn't healthy. And then I would realize I'm getting large, stop eating sweets altogether and look Hot! It was The Cycle. Occasionally I'd have to go on medication for asthma that would make me gain weight (especially in the face) and I'd have to work that off also. But generally, I was active and fit and didn't have to deal with it too much.
I went to college, lost more weight because I walked everywhere. Sophomore year in college and I met my hubby! He actually turned out to be the kindest, most supportive, wonderful, greatest ever husband a woman could ever want (can you say selfless sacrifice? his whole way of life is consumed by this theme and he is so wonderful). I got married, got pregnant very quickly. During this time, I didn't gain much weight. I rode my bike everywhere up hills and to school and work all the way to 9 months. I worked each day, did 18.5 credits, and managed to work out at Gold's Gym in Provo too. It was a busy year and I even tried to do Hypnobirthing. Ha! That turned out to be completely useless for me, but I'm sure it worked for others. Some things only work for some people. Cool idea though. I had the baby and after her, I looked great again!!! But I cannot take credit, sadly. I had a really tough delivery that left me sick and feeling terrible for weeks. I didn't feel like eating and no one was around to cook huge meals for me to eat. So that's why I looked so great.
Then came baby number two. I was a bit heavier, gained more weight. I was alarmed after she was born that I was bigger than before. Little did I know what fatness I had in store for me later! Jared and I decided to move to Oregon. I basically packed the entire house myself. Jared had a demanding and time-consuming job and long transit. He did pack the kitchen, though. This is when I started eating more. Jared and I really didn't ever eat out. Only rarely. We never bought fast food, but with the stress of selling our condo and packing and showing the house, I found I was taking to McDonald's more than a sane person should. I remember when we actually moved into our townhouse. The people who sold us the house left some old papers in a drawer--some of them credit card bills. I freaked and almost had a heart attack when I saw them, overdue. I thought Jared had stuffed them into a drawer and forgotten to pay them. Plus I always go through the bill to scrutinize every purchase and make sure there's nothing that I didn't buy. Anyway, this bill had tons of fast food all over it. Had Jared really wined and dined some other large family? That's when I saw it wasn't our bill. And OOPS! I know I felt so bad about looking at someone's private info. It was interesting though.
Wooooo. I got off track. It was so stressful moving. I was leaving my family, living far far away in a green place so foreign to me. I grew up in Texas where you have lots of brown. Brown is nice. Brown is hot. I started eating to assuage the stress. We moved in with Jared's parents for four months so we could find a suitable place to live. Now it doesn't matter who it is, if it's the easiest person to live with, it's a stressful thing to live with two families anywhere. It takes a lot of figuring out and working on it. I'm also the type of person that doesn't like to be watched. Even if someone isn't really watching, just knowing that someone has access to see all of my personal quirks and such makes me uncomfortable. That's how I would describe it. I was uncomfortable and food was the only comfort I had. It rained and rained and was freezing. Food comforted me. We played with friends in Oregon a lot and each time we went there, we'd eat tons of chocolate and cakes and fatty foods. Did I realize what I was doing? Yes. I did! I could see that I was gaining weight, getting bigger. But psychologically, I felt there was nothing I could do. I was so sad and stressed, so uncomfortable and out of place, that food was my therapy. It was such a dark period of time in my life. I had this horrible relationship with food and it was turning me into a person larger than I could have wanted! Plus, it didn't help that they don't have Spinning here. In St. George I would do spinning for about 2-3 times a week. I was good at it and we lived close. But they didn't have it here. I didn't have any exercise that I enjoyed here.
Jared started to notice me gaining weight. The perfect man that he is, he just said, "If you ever want to work out, you go, I'll take the kids. I support you in any of your efforts." That was the only criticism I got! Just pure support and love from him. He never said I was fat. Once he said, "Let's check our BMI online and see if we're at a good level." I think I went a little beserk (sp?) when he said that, but again he was just being supportive.
The weight gain continued, followed by some tragic happenstances in my life. I was so sad. My grandma died unexpectedly, and I didn't go to see her when I last had the chance. I felt so guilty. I had a miscarriage. I wonder if people will think that it's taboo for me to write that? Too personal. But I will. If it helps someone to know that I experienced what they've experienced, I'll talk about it. I know it's happened to so many people and I know a lot of people already know that I'd had one. Why would it be bad to say it? I wondered if I'd caused it for some reason. I felt so alone. I hated people knowing. I wanted to live in a world all by myself and just let the pain exist in a persona that couldn't touch me. So maybe you can understand why I started comforting myself with food. I refused to give it up, it felt like the doughnut was keeping me afloat.
Eventually I got pregnant again. I didn't dare lift a finger for this pregnancy. I wanted to make sure and PROVE that I wouldn't hurt this baby in any way. I didn't exercise, I didn't limit any calories. I was so careful. And now I know that when you start a pregnancy sedentary, you have no choice but to continue it that way also. I never understood before how some pregnant women said they couldn't do certain things, etc. But it made sense then! I was a whimp! I couldn't do barely anything. I had so many aches and pains and I was so fragile. Jared was getting tired near the end of the pregnancy from always carrying things up and down the stairs and running errands. He didn't try to make me feel bad for it, but I could tell the strain was hard on him. I finally had the baby!!! Jackson was cherished from day one. Like a diamond. I cherished the other kids, but I made sure to enjoy every second of him because of the loss I'd felt with the miscarriage. My stance in life is that, if something positive comes out of the negative, it was worth it.
But now I was huge!!! I lost some weight after the baby was born, but I still didn't work out much and I ate a lot and gained even more. I thought I was doomed: I was just going to keep gaining and gaining and gaining and it would never stop. I didn't know how to lose weight. I'd never really done it! And I found eventually that I never would if I didn't decide I could.
So I committed myself. June 5th, I decided I had to change my relationship with food. I'll write more about that in a later blog. I did end up changing it. I started working out five days a week. Did I mention I have asthma? I've never been able to run. But I'll blog about that later too. I exercised and changed my eating and now, wahlaa! I've lost 28 pounds! It's been seven months (yes I know it's a slow weight loss, but it's healthy and I'm not going to get fat again). I have 10 more to go and I hope if you read this, you'll enjoy seeing what makes me tick, what my joys and sorrows are and how they affect my relationship with food, how I stick to working out, and so forth. :) Thanks for reading.
Plus, if there is anyone else out there who's tried to lose weight the healthy way and is trying to make is a lifestyle instead of a diet, maybe you'll enjoy reading this too. Because heaven knows how much I love to talk about it! Maybe you do too!
So I started gaining weight about two and half years ago. Oh. I guess I'll start with my earlier confessions. In high school I was skinny. I played sports but would occasionally go in spurts of eating a candy bar every day for a few months. I hope my mom doesn't read this. She vehemently discouraged me from buying food from vending machines and I'm probably the reason why the vending machine guy could buy a huge 62" flat screen TV in the 90's. I know it wasn't healthy. And then I would realize I'm getting large, stop eating sweets altogether and look Hot! It was The Cycle. Occasionally I'd have to go on medication for asthma that would make me gain weight (especially in the face) and I'd have to work that off also. But generally, I was active and fit and didn't have to deal with it too much.
I went to college, lost more weight because I walked everywhere. Sophomore year in college and I met my hubby! He actually turned out to be the kindest, most supportive, wonderful, greatest ever husband a woman could ever want (can you say selfless sacrifice? his whole way of life is consumed by this theme and he is so wonderful). I got married, got pregnant very quickly. During this time, I didn't gain much weight. I rode my bike everywhere up hills and to school and work all the way to 9 months. I worked each day, did 18.5 credits, and managed to work out at Gold's Gym in Provo too. It was a busy year and I even tried to do Hypnobirthing. Ha! That turned out to be completely useless for me, but I'm sure it worked for others. Some things only work for some people. Cool idea though. I had the baby and after her, I looked great again!!! But I cannot take credit, sadly. I had a really tough delivery that left me sick and feeling terrible for weeks. I didn't feel like eating and no one was around to cook huge meals for me to eat. So that's why I looked so great.
Then came baby number two. I was a bit heavier, gained more weight. I was alarmed after she was born that I was bigger than before. Little did I know what fatness I had in store for me later! Jared and I decided to move to Oregon. I basically packed the entire house myself. Jared had a demanding and time-consuming job and long transit. He did pack the kitchen, though. This is when I started eating more. Jared and I really didn't ever eat out. Only rarely. We never bought fast food, but with the stress of selling our condo and packing and showing the house, I found I was taking to McDonald's more than a sane person should. I remember when we actually moved into our townhouse. The people who sold us the house left some old papers in a drawer--some of them credit card bills. I freaked and almost had a heart attack when I saw them, overdue. I thought Jared had stuffed them into a drawer and forgotten to pay them. Plus I always go through the bill to scrutinize every purchase and make sure there's nothing that I didn't buy. Anyway, this bill had tons of fast food all over it. Had Jared really wined and dined some other large family? That's when I saw it wasn't our bill. And OOPS! I know I felt so bad about looking at someone's private info. It was interesting though.
Wooooo. I got off track. It was so stressful moving. I was leaving my family, living far far away in a green place so foreign to me. I grew up in Texas where you have lots of brown. Brown is nice. Brown is hot. I started eating to assuage the stress. We moved in with Jared's parents for four months so we could find a suitable place to live. Now it doesn't matter who it is, if it's the easiest person to live with, it's a stressful thing to live with two families anywhere. It takes a lot of figuring out and working on it. I'm also the type of person that doesn't like to be watched. Even if someone isn't really watching, just knowing that someone has access to see all of my personal quirks and such makes me uncomfortable. That's how I would describe it. I was uncomfortable and food was the only comfort I had. It rained and rained and was freezing. Food comforted me. We played with friends in Oregon a lot and each time we went there, we'd eat tons of chocolate and cakes and fatty foods. Did I realize what I was doing? Yes. I did! I could see that I was gaining weight, getting bigger. But psychologically, I felt there was nothing I could do. I was so sad and stressed, so uncomfortable and out of place, that food was my therapy. It was such a dark period of time in my life. I had this horrible relationship with food and it was turning me into a person larger than I could have wanted! Plus, it didn't help that they don't have Spinning here. In St. George I would do spinning for about 2-3 times a week. I was good at it and we lived close. But they didn't have it here. I didn't have any exercise that I enjoyed here.
Jared started to notice me gaining weight. The perfect man that he is, he just said, "If you ever want to work out, you go, I'll take the kids. I support you in any of your efforts." That was the only criticism I got! Just pure support and love from him. He never said I was fat. Once he said, "Let's check our BMI online and see if we're at a good level." I think I went a little beserk (sp?) when he said that, but again he was just being supportive.
The weight gain continued, followed by some tragic happenstances in my life. I was so sad. My grandma died unexpectedly, and I didn't go to see her when I last had the chance. I felt so guilty. I had a miscarriage. I wonder if people will think that it's taboo for me to write that? Too personal. But I will. If it helps someone to know that I experienced what they've experienced, I'll talk about it. I know it's happened to so many people and I know a lot of people already know that I'd had one. Why would it be bad to say it? I wondered if I'd caused it for some reason. I felt so alone. I hated people knowing. I wanted to live in a world all by myself and just let the pain exist in a persona that couldn't touch me. So maybe you can understand why I started comforting myself with food. I refused to give it up, it felt like the doughnut was keeping me afloat.
Eventually I got pregnant again. I didn't dare lift a finger for this pregnancy. I wanted to make sure and PROVE that I wouldn't hurt this baby in any way. I didn't exercise, I didn't limit any calories. I was so careful. And now I know that when you start a pregnancy sedentary, you have no choice but to continue it that way also. I never understood before how some pregnant women said they couldn't do certain things, etc. But it made sense then! I was a whimp! I couldn't do barely anything. I had so many aches and pains and I was so fragile. Jared was getting tired near the end of the pregnancy from always carrying things up and down the stairs and running errands. He didn't try to make me feel bad for it, but I could tell the strain was hard on him. I finally had the baby!!! Jackson was cherished from day one. Like a diamond. I cherished the other kids, but I made sure to enjoy every second of him because of the loss I'd felt with the miscarriage. My stance in life is that, if something positive comes out of the negative, it was worth it.
But now I was huge!!! I lost some weight after the baby was born, but I still didn't work out much and I ate a lot and gained even more. I thought I was doomed: I was just going to keep gaining and gaining and gaining and it would never stop. I didn't know how to lose weight. I'd never really done it! And I found eventually that I never would if I didn't decide I could.
So I committed myself. June 5th, I decided I had to change my relationship with food. I'll write more about that in a later blog. I did end up changing it. I started working out five days a week. Did I mention I have asthma? I've never been able to run. But I'll blog about that later too. I exercised and changed my eating and now, wahlaa! I've lost 28 pounds! It's been seven months (yes I know it's a slow weight loss, but it's healthy and I'm not going to get fat again). I have 10 more to go and I hope if you read this, you'll enjoy seeing what makes me tick, what my joys and sorrows are and how they affect my relationship with food, how I stick to working out, and so forth. :) Thanks for reading.
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